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I KNOW GOD IS WITH ME, BESIDE ME, AND NEVER LEAVE ME ALONE…

I think I wanna share my experience of failure.. the first big failure in my life..

Maybe for some others it was just a little problem, some will think: “you are so week!! just because of this kind of problem??!!” etc etc etc…. 

But did you remember how you felt when the first most failing event happened to you?? So that was (ehmm actually “IS” is fitter) how i felt (ehmmm„, correction again “FEEL”). Ashamed, shock, can’t believe, denial, sad (worse than sad I think.. It’s kind of depressed), lost confidence, and afraid; these are the reaction from myself (both body and heart) when i got the news of my failing.

My life so far was sooooo smooth, even smoother than the silk (haish), never (almost never) had a great problem and failure that can make me sooooo down, just like when you are alone riding at the highway… I could get whatever I want, pass every exam, could get to school and college that I want, my GPA is not bad (hmm for me it’s even more than good), and easily got a job. See?? Can u see how smooth my life was?? Sooooo when this unpredictable and unbelievable news of failing happened to me, I just got blank and (untill now) I just lost of myself„ suddenly I can’t describe who am I, don’t know my passion, don’t know what to do…

I was a trainee at the biggest company group in this South East Asia. (waw… rite?) I’ve been trained for 6 months, and if I succeed the training session, I could be one of that company employee. Actually I quite confidence I’ll get this through.. I mean (until now) I’ve done nothing wrong and always did what’ve been told to me. But after went through final assessment, they told me that I couldn’t go more (a.k.a fail!! And I’m the only one who failed!! *kill me*) Actually the real reason just so absurd and ridiculous and just made up so I can quit the company.

After heard that news, I just cried (I can say I was quite cool that day, cried coolly hahhaha) and still smiling over everyone when I said goodbye. After that day, I got home and the worse feeling just began rushing to my mind and make me like a hopeless person. Suddenly I don’t know what to do„, Get the Master Scholarship abroad or just finding another job. But what kind of job suits me best?? What kind of major should I get if I want to get my Master degree? Suddenly I lost my passion and dream!! I was just angry at my self, why I can be at this state of becoming a very pathetic person? At outside, you will think I’m OK, I’m strong; but inside, it is just a disaster!!

But I’m lucky!! I still have parents that still encourage me whatever happened in my life, have sisters and brother who not making this issue to make fun of me, and fortunately when i felt so alone when I was still at that training thing, I suddenly realise that I have a lot of people who really cares for me and prays for me. I got friends (just few friends) who support me wholeheartedly (and those are my schoolmates, not workmates), even they want to sacrifice their times for me (what a great friends!!). Guys, I’m telling you this: when you face a hardtime, you’ll realise that you are loved and you are not alone!! So that’s why I can say I’m still a lucky girl for those loves that I’ve been given :)

In my brain n deep in my heart I know this is will be a great result for my life. GOD loves me soo much so HE doesn’t want to spoil me. HE wants to make me stronger and more mature. I KNOW!! But still, it’s hard to accept!! I know GOD allowed this to happen so at HIS time, I will know the sweet of success, because I already felt the sour of failing.

Rite now, I still struggle to be a better me, to fully accept everything that happened to me, and try to give thanks to GOD for whatever my circumstances are. And I know, rite in front of me is not a easier life and not a lighter load, but I believe it’ll get worse. Sooo I can always learn to become stronger and better, and achieve something bigger again and again.

Having a failure is not easy.. But this means you’re alive!! This means you get something out of your comfort zone for growing your capacity!! Even some of you already have failure before, I believe when another one approaches you, it’ll still be hard as always. Am i rite? Sooo let us embrace ourself to become stronger to face the days ahead!! For a better me and you :)

Rite now I try to take a step ahead.. Because what I can do now is just move forward!! Suddenly this afraid feeling of rejection appear!! But afraid is always there.. What I can do just doing what I can do this time-this rite time!! What will happen next is not my concern now!! The difficulties of tomorrow will be handled tomorrow.. So why waste your time to worry all the time? just try to live, love, and laugh TODAY!! Make the best out of you TODAY!! :)

lsgairenint: